AS A LONGTIME WRITER OF LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

I  hereby claim to have won a gold medal in the  

Canadian Letters-to-the Editor category.

For as I confessed to the two extremely perceptive and distinguished editors concerned:

If the public depiction of my debilitating mugshot, by the one editor, doesn’t become the most overwhelming and conclusive call by parliament for mandating compulsory burkas for old men, then my most vital part is nowt but a nutmeg.

Yet, nauseating as it is, this disturbing presentation of my personal visage nevertheless is a factor in what I hope will prove my being considered the unbeatable contender in receiving, if not a medal, at least a big gold clock in honour of what must be a record in Canadian ‘letters-to-the-editor’ submissions.  

To wit:

THE PUBLICATION IN CANADA’S TWO MOST PRESTIGIOUS NEWSPAPERS:

        The Ottawa Citizen 

and the 

        National Post 

(WITH EACH SUBMISSION PLACED AS THE LEAD LETTER OF THE DAY ON THEIR RESPECTIVE LETTERS-PAGES) 

OF TWO SEPARATE, INDIVIDUAL, ORIGINAL, AND UNIQUE LETTERS TO THE EDITOR — SIMULTANEOUSLY! 

That is:

ON THE SAME DAY! 

...December 14, 2013.

Henceforth, I will contently succumb to my now near-looming fate with equanimity, whatever it should bring. For I am at one with the world. Even though I may henceforth be cast into the deepest of editorial ‘Out Baskets’.

My deepest and sincere thanks to both distinguished  editors.

— John Ough,

Letter-to-the-editor writer.